I just stood there with my mouth open. I didn't know what to say and was trying to convince myself that I had to be wrong. I mean, Heather and I had been friends since we were kids! She was in my wedding! She said always encouraged me to work things out with Mandy. She had always been like one of the guys to me and knew way too much about me to be considered girlfriend material, right? So, yeah, I must be confused.
Heather pulled away from me as Chelsea walked up.
"Hey Sweety!" She said, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me.
"Heeeyyyy!" I said, trying to sound casual.
"Hey Heather! You coming to Darius' birthday dinner at 3 Forks tomorrow? It's my last night in town too" Chelsea said with a frown.
"Oh yeah, totally. I wouldn't miss it." Heather said also trying to sound casual, I could tell.
The next day Chelsea got up early and left my place so she could pack and I planned to pick her up at 7pm. I could tell it bothered her that we still hadn't had "the talk" but I needed to clear my head first.
I decided to head over to the church and go for a run with my brother. The church my brother pastor's is the same church we grew up in. So we knew that 2 times around the church campus was a mile and we had ran it too many times to count over the years. When we finished up, we sat down on the church steps.
"So Dan, have you made a decision about Mandy?" Caleb asked.
"I don't know, Man. I've got so many thoughts runnning around in my mind right now. Chelsea is aesome and really likes me and wants to continue dating after she leaves. And there is other stuff too-- I just don't know but I need to make a decision soon."
"Let me know if there is anything I can do." Caleb said.
"I appreciate it,Man. I will." I said.
"Well, I gotta go home and get supper. Wanna come over?" Caleb asked.
"No thanks though. Tell Jenn I said Hello. I have this dinner for Darius' birthday tonight."
"Oh, tell him we said Happy Birthday. I will see you later then."
When Caleb's car was out of sight, I still hadn't moved from the steps. I decided to pray. No one was around so I decided to talk to God out loud.
"Look, God. I realize you do things on your time. I also realize I hardly ever talk to you anymore and I generally fail you everyday. But, I also know you forgive me and though I take credit for most of my crewed up life, some of it is out of my control and I seriously don't know the right answer. So, if you could give me some clarity on this situation say, before 7pm tonight, that would help me out alot. Amen."
I paused for God's clarity but all I got was a bug in my mouth. Gagging and spitting, I decided God was busy dealing with bigger isssues. The church was unlocked so I went inside to rinse my mouth out.
I sat down in Caleb's chair in his office with my water to rest for a minute before going home. A picture on the bookshelf caught my eye. "Mt. Lebanon, 1994" was written on the bottom of the frame. It was of our last youth summer camp before we all went to college. There is Caleb with Kelly (Caleb's high school girlfriend that turned party girl the minute we got to UT),Mandy looking gorgeous sitting on my knee and Heather. . where was Heather?
Then I remembered Heather had taken the picture. She was always the one wanting to capture moments forever. Without Heather, we would probably have no record of those years. I stared at the picture for several minutes, smiling at it's memory. I realized that I used to not be able to look at this picture and smile because it reminded me that Mandy and I didn't work out. I tried with great effort not to ever go down memory lane in the last few years for the same reason.
But now, I could see it differently now. It was a great time in our life that came to an end and that was okay. It's still special. It's still inside of us. So, I bug in my mouth, huh God? That is how you give me answers? Next stop,Mandy's house.
"Oh, wow! Hey. I didn't know you were coming over?" Mandy said confused when she opened the door.
"I know,I'm sorry, I just really needed to come over and talk to you before I chicken out." I said.
Mandy started talking quickly. "Dan, I'm sorry about the Travis thing. I really meant to tell you. I just didn't know what to say or what to do and then he asked me to move with him and I said yes but---"
"Mandy, Mandy, Listen. It's okay, really." I said, cutting her off. I took her by the hand and sat her down on the couch.
"Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And really I just want you to be happy. It used to infuriate me to think that any man could make you happier than I could. And I thought if that did happen, that meant that we never really loved each other which I wasn't willing to accept so I just got more and more angry. But, I get it now. If you go on and fall in love with someone else, it doesn't mean that we didn't really love each other. And well, it doesn't mean that we don't love each other now and will always love each other. It just means that what we had was for a briefer time than we had imagined. Life changed us for some reaon, I don't know why. But, I will always love you and be here for you if you ever need anything, I hope you know that."
Mandy was sobbing now and she said,"I feel the same way. That's what I meant when I said,'I loved you enough to let you go'. I knew I wasn't right for you anymore. I hated it but I knew it. I just want you to be happy too. It kills me to think of you not being happy or taken care of. I love you, Dan. I am just ready for us to close this chapeter in our lives, can we do that?"
"Yes, definitely. Let's call it a truce. If you marry Travis, I guess I will have to see you around anyway." I said, teasing her but still feeling sick at the idea of her marrying Travis.
"Oh no, Dan. I'm not marrying him. We broke up. He's not right for me. But I am moving. To Los Angeles. I'm gonna try and get back to acting again." She said, now smiling.
I held her and we cried. Then I kissed her with the same passion I had for her when we were 17. And then I said Good Bye.
I got to Cheslea's early and told her the truth. I really liked her but the timing wasn't right so I didn't think seeing each other long distance was a good idea. She was hurt but seemed to accept it. We hung out all night at Darius' party and had a great time except that I continued to look around for Heather who never showed.
Well, a surprise attack seemed to work with Mandy. Maybe it would for Heather too.
"Hey, I'm downstairs. Buzz me in." My text said.
I walked right inside after a quick knock which had been our standard practice in the past.
"You weren't at 3 Forks. What happened?" I said.
"Yeah, I just wasn't feeling up to it. I texted Darius and told him I would take him out next week and he was cool." She said sounding tired.
"Sooooo, uh, do you have something you want to say to me?" I said a bit too arrogantly.
"Uh, no." She said, looking hurt.
I cleared my throat and started again.
"When we were talking by your car the other night. .were you talking about me?" I said gently.
She started crying and nodded Yes.
"Don't cry." I said, pulling her to me. "It's not a bad thing."
"Yes it is, Dan. Us being together doesn't even make sense! I'm friends with your wife. Plus, tell me the truth, Dan. Have you ever even noticed me before? As a woman, I mean?
"Yes,I noticed you but-- I don't know." I said struggling to find the right words.
"Exactly. I'm foolish for allowing myself to feel this way about you. I know all too well what kind of a boyfriend and husband you are. That should send me running! Anyway, It's not like I don't the score, ya know? I know exactly how this game ends so please, don't say anymore. I'm already embarassed." She said, crying harder.
"Oh really, well, tell me how it ends then."
"It ends with one saying, 'Heather, I do love you . . .like a sister and it will never be more. You are just not what I am looking for."
"Well, that was close but not exactly." I said.
She seemed to be waiting for me to say I hated her.
"Heather, I have always loved you like a sister. Trust me, before today, you wouldn't have wanted any other love I said to dish out. I don't know if you are what I am looking for, that is true, but I am willling to try. No matter what happens in the end, you will be always be special to me. Nothing can take that away."
"What about Mandy?"
"She's moving to Los Angeles, we are cool and I really think that if she sees we are happy togehter, she will be supportive. I will explain more about that later."
"And Chelsea?"
"Gone back to school. I told her it just wouldn't work." I said, getting closer to Heather.
"Dan, we have to take this really slow. I mean, really slow. It's such a wierd beginning with all of our history, we can't rush things or it will get all messed up. I mean, in all seriouness, as much as I have wanted to be with you, the thought scares me. It sort of feels like I won't be able to believe you if you tell me you love me in any way other than friends. Does that make sense?"
"Yes it does. But, for now, can you just believe that there sincerely no other girl in the world that I want to go with to Cafe Brazil as much as you right now?" I said.
She smiled and my Heather was back.
"So, what are you saying is that you passionately want to have eggs and gueso right now." She said sarcastically.
"No, I'm saying I passionately want to have eggs and queso with you."
"That's good enough for me." Heather said.
And then we kissed and it I knew I had understood God's message for Big D.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Big D:Chapter 5: One road trip can changes everything.
Chelsea and I spent alot of time together over the next couple of weeks. She went with us on the road and was a wonderful distraction from the fact that when I returned to Dallas, I had some serious decisions to make. I headed to the hotel gym in the early morning before we were to head back home and saw Heather working out on the elipiticals.
"Hey babe, haven't talked to you in forever!" I said leaning on her machine.
"Hey," She said with little enthusiam.
"What's up with you, something wrong?"
"Ben and I broke up again, this time for good." She said with a shrug.
Heather and Ben had dated off and on every since she and I had worked for the team. He was a nice enough guy but I always thought he didn't fit with her. Everytime they broke up, she would end up with some guy more like me (which I warned her against)and they seemed to have a blast. But, they would start being flaky (as I predicated because again, they were just like me) and then Ben would show up with flowers and ask for another chance and she would give in.
"I'm sorry. .what happened this time?"
"He asked me to marry him."
"Holy crap, seriously?! . .wow. What did you say?"
"I don't really want to talk about what I said. But basically, he dropped me off, I gave him the ring back and I haven't talked to him since."
She sat on the bench, toweling off. She always been so beautiful and nice that it is wierd she still hadn't found "the one."
"Dan, it's just. . .I don't feel anything with him. The more time I spend with him, the more I feel ashamed because I don't feel anything because he feels that way about me so I think I should also feel that way about him!" She said, throwing her hands up with frustation.
"So you are done with him then, forever?" I said, handing her water bottle over.
"Yeah, I have to be. It's just hurting both of us now."
"So, you know Ben isn't what you are looking for. So, what is it that you are looking for, do you know?"
"Yeah, unfortunately." She said, getting up to leave.
"Unfortunately? Isn't it good to know what you are looking for?" I said with a confused smile.
"Not always, Dan. Not when who you are looking for is unavailable." She said, tearing up and packing up her bag.
"Who are you talking about? Someone I know?" I said with school girl-esque anticipation.
She looked up and fixed her eyes on mine. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. When she opened her mouth again, she said,
"Dan, I can't talk about it right now, I gotta go. I will see you at the game maybe." She said as she fled out the exit door.
Right before the game, Chelsea informed me that she really hoped we could continue to date long distance when she went back home and wanted to know what I thought. I told her we would talk when we got back to town. Chelsea was the best looking girl in the arena that night but I couldn't stop thinking about Heather. Our conversation just bugged me because I got the impression that she wanted to tell me more but was holding back. And then I would think about Mandy. And then Chelsea.And then Heather. Before I knew it, the game is over and hadn't really even noticed two mintutes of it.
On the flight home, Chelsea sat with her dad and Heather was four rows ahead of me with an empty seat next to her. I wanted to go talk to her but she had her Ipod on the whole time with her eyes closed. I managed to catch up with her as she was getting into her car.
"Hey Heather!"
She turned and saw me. She looked sad.
"I was just thinking you and I could meet up for a drink or something this week. I, yeah, I found out that Travis is going to ask Mandy to marry him. Do you know that? Anyway, I thought we could have one of our good talks and you could help me figure things out."
"Yeah, uh, maybe. I don't know. Call me and we will see." She said.
"Heather, wait. Come on now. We've been friends practically our whole lives. You are obviously upset. So tell me, who is this guy that you are wanting?" I held her arm gently to stop her retreat to her car. She just looked at me and started crying and then I knew. She was talking about me.
"Hey babe, haven't talked to you in forever!" I said leaning on her machine.
"Hey," She said with little enthusiam.
"What's up with you, something wrong?"
"Ben and I broke up again, this time for good." She said with a shrug.
Heather and Ben had dated off and on every since she and I had worked for the team. He was a nice enough guy but I always thought he didn't fit with her. Everytime they broke up, she would end up with some guy more like me (which I warned her against)and they seemed to have a blast. But, they would start being flaky (as I predicated because again, they were just like me) and then Ben would show up with flowers and ask for another chance and she would give in.
"I'm sorry. .what happened this time?"
"He asked me to marry him."
"Holy crap, seriously?! . .wow. What did you say?"
"I don't really want to talk about what I said. But basically, he dropped me off, I gave him the ring back and I haven't talked to him since."
She sat on the bench, toweling off. She always been so beautiful and nice that it is wierd she still hadn't found "the one."
"Dan, it's just. . .I don't feel anything with him. The more time I spend with him, the more I feel ashamed because I don't feel anything because he feels that way about me so I think I should also feel that way about him!" She said, throwing her hands up with frustation.
"So you are done with him then, forever?" I said, handing her water bottle over.
"Yeah, I have to be. It's just hurting both of us now."
"So, you know Ben isn't what you are looking for. So, what is it that you are looking for, do you know?"
"Yeah, unfortunately." She said, getting up to leave.
"Unfortunately? Isn't it good to know what you are looking for?" I said with a confused smile.
"Not always, Dan. Not when who you are looking for is unavailable." She said, tearing up and packing up her bag.
"Who are you talking about? Someone I know?" I said with school girl-esque anticipation.
She looked up and fixed her eyes on mine. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. When she opened her mouth again, she said,
"Dan, I can't talk about it right now, I gotta go. I will see you at the game maybe." She said as she fled out the exit door.
Right before the game, Chelsea informed me that she really hoped we could continue to date long distance when she went back home and wanted to know what I thought. I told her we would talk when we got back to town. Chelsea was the best looking girl in the arena that night but I couldn't stop thinking about Heather. Our conversation just bugged me because I got the impression that she wanted to tell me more but was holding back. And then I would think about Mandy. And then Chelsea.And then Heather. Before I knew it, the game is over and hadn't really even noticed two mintutes of it.
On the flight home, Chelsea sat with her dad and Heather was four rows ahead of me with an empty seat next to her. I wanted to go talk to her but she had her Ipod on the whole time with her eyes closed. I managed to catch up with her as she was getting into her car.
"Hey Heather!"
She turned and saw me. She looked sad.
"I was just thinking you and I could meet up for a drink or something this week. I, yeah, I found out that Travis is going to ask Mandy to marry him. Do you know that? Anyway, I thought we could have one of our good talks and you could help me figure things out."
"Yeah, uh, maybe. I don't know. Call me and we will see." She said.
"Heather, wait. Come on now. We've been friends practically our whole lives. You are obviously upset. So tell me, who is this guy that you are wanting?" I held her arm gently to stop her retreat to her car. She just looked at me and started crying and then I knew. She was talking about me.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Chapter 4: Caleb's confession
"I loved you enough to let it go." I kept replaying Mandy's words from the BBQ in my head, trying to figure out exactly what she had meant. I did not recall much love at the end and certainly didn't feel that wanting to end our marriage was the greatest sign of love. I remembered that I loved her at the end and she seemed to hate me and the career I had chosen which was such a large part of me. But, I did remember that it had not always been that way.
Mandy and I met the summer of 1994. We were about to enter our junior year in high school. She had moved to town from Los Angeles due to her father's job transfer.
Everyone wanted to meet and become best friends with the interesting and beautiful girl from California who by the end of the year was voted, "Most likely to become famous." Mandy was as lovely and gracious as she was heart stopping gorgeous and was an extraordinary actress. On Graduation day, everyone in town who cared about theatre at all thought she should catch the next plane back to L.A. and fulfill the high school prophesy. However, that was not what Mandy wanted. Laying by the lake on a blanket after hours of holding each other and talking, Mandy told me exactly what she wanted.
"My dad really wants me to audition for this part on "The Young and the Restless. He knows a guy that knows a guy, blah, blah, that knows the casting director."
"That sounds cool. Are you going to do it? You don't sound excited." I said, wanting to be supportive but not wanting to lose her.
"No, I don't want to go back to L.A. I like it there. I just want to stay here and do local stuff, maybe the occasional commerical so I can -- you know, stay here with you." She said carefully.
"That sounds even better." I said.
"Well,what are you doing to do with your free time besides 'the occasional commercial'?" I teased.
"I won't have much free time." She said.
"Why not?" I said, really not knowing what she was about to say.
"Being a wife and mother takes up alot of time." She said, smiling.
"Oh really? Who, may I ask, are you planning to marry and make babies with, ma'am?" I ribbed.
"Hopefully you, Dan. I love you. I don't want anyone else forever and forever." She said, now serious.
"I love you too. So much. Forever and Forever, I promise."
And so, after four years at UT and many a frat party later, we got married July 21,2000.We were really good together. But, the closer I got to achieving my dreams of working as an agent for the NBA and bringing in the big dough so we could have an awesome life, the more she resented it. I didn't understand it at all! Didn't she understand that I wanted these things, this life for her?! But, as frustrated and at each other's throats as we were, I never thought we would get a divorce.
Towards the end, we fought everyday, and most fights had the same theme: I loved the job more than I loved her. Which was totally incorrect in my eyes but I couldn't convince her of that. I begged her not to file, she did anyway. I pleaded with her and told her how much she was killing me, which she was. I offered to cut back or quit. She said that wouldn't work because "my heart would still not be in the right place." Finally, I give in and signed on the dotted line of our failed union two years ago. And now, the love of my life was going to move to some crap town with my crap cousin and I couldn't do a damn thing about it but try to kill the pain. That's where Chelsea comes in. But, not before Caleb calls.
"Hey, brother." He said.
"Yo."
"So, today was weird, huh?" Caleb said.
"Yeah, to say the least." I say wearily.
" Listen, Dan. I know you are hurting. And I know your way of dealing with it is not always, well, talking to God."
"Look, Caleb, if your calling to lecture me one more time about how much I'm going to church or to say, 'Just turn your eyes upon,Jesus' and this will all blow over, save your breath, man! Because, you know what, you got NO idea how much I talk to Jesus, okay?! I admit I don't always make the best choices but don't measure me against you.I'm sorry "the faith" doesn't come as easily to me but it doesn't but that doesn't I don't believe!"
"No, No Dan. You are right. You are right. I can't measure you against me. You are right. No one should judge anyone. And I shouldn't have before and I am sorry if I made you feel that way. I was calling just to tell you that I love you and I know that this whole thing isn't easy. I wanted to tell you something I haven't told you before."
"Okay, what?" I said, sensing this was going to be big.
"Jenn and I have had trouble before. Actually, we almost filed for divorce once." Caleb said.
"What?! Why? and When?" I said, trying to recover from the most shocking news I've ever heard.
Caleb sighed. "Dan, even though I'm a pastor, being married is a great challenge. Temptation presents itself in all ways. For me, it was also a job in a sense. I convinced myself that I was being called to serve as a missionary overseas and was ready to move my family or leave them to pursue it."
"Well, that doesn't' sound like temptation, I mean, that's what some pastors are called to do, right? Jenn wasn't supportive?"
"If I had been wanting to go for the right reasons, she would have been, of course. But, the truth was, I was feeling suffocated. I felt like I was living this little life in a suburban town. It wasn't driven from God at all but I was convinced. I ignored Jenn's wishes and pressed forward with my plan. So, I went to Honduras for 2 months, remember? Well, that was the test trip. Jenn said when I got back, we would really have to talk and make some decisions. I knew what that meant. But by that time, I resented her so much from trying to stop me, I didn't care." Caleb said, choking up thinking about that time.
"So, what happened?" I asked quietly.
"Well, the first month or so, I was sure that I would spend the rest of my years being this rugged, adventurer missionary and my family would come around to idea and everything would be great and perfect and Jenn would be sorry for being so wrong. But by week 4, I knew the truth. I was just trying to run away from the little annoyances of life like electric bills and car pool and I had somehow forgotten how blessed I was. The last week, I cried every night and begged God to help me be better and prayed my wife would forgive me."
"I guessed she did, right?. . since you guys seem better than ever." I said also choking up.
"Dan, I got off that plane, took my wife in my arms and I said, 'I am sorry. Please forgive me. Then she said, 'Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry too. Let's just leave it where it should be, in the past' and we've hardly ever discussed it since then."
"So, what are you telling me,Caleb. I need a trip to Honduras?"
"No, Dan. I'm telling you not to give up on the great blessings God has given you. Talk to God. Talk to Mandy. I know she loves you as much as Jenn loves me. I know you still love her. I think things just got all mixed up with you guys but it's not too late. But Dan? Do it quickly. Travis confided in me that he is going to ask her to marry him before they leave.
"Wow." The only thing I could think to say to that news.
"Dan, one more thing."
"There's more?!!" I said, now pouring a glass of scotch.
"Brother, I apologize I have given you such a hard time. You're great at your job, you do it well, and it brings you great joy and you shouldn't give that up. You like nice things, like cars and fancy dinners and that is okay too. My concern for you has always been balance. It's okay to like nice things as long as they fall in the right place on your priority list. Ok, that's my last lecture until -- well, at least next Sunday!" Caleb joked to lighten the mood.
"Thanks, Caleb. I appreciate all you've said. I will keep you posted on any new developments."
I hung up and chugged my glass. I almost texted Mandy to tell her to meet me so we could talk. But, I didn't really know what to say yet, so the true guy fashion, I said nothing at all. I decided I needed a few days to think about everything and how I really felt. I also thought about canceling with Chelsea but I didn't think that would change things and it was better than sitting at home. Plus, who knows? Maybe I will fall in love tonight and forget all about Mandy. That would certainly be easier.
1. WHAT DALLAS, TEXAS (4 OR 5 STAR) RESTURANT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE DAN TAKE CHELSEA TONIGHT?
2. A MAJOR EVENT HAPPENS SOON WITH DAN IN REGARDS TO HIS JOB. THOUGHTS? IS JOEY HURT WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT? DOES CHELSEA'S DAD FIND OUT THEY ARE DATING AND IS DISPLEASED MAYBE? HOW ABOUT VETERAN PLAYER, DARIUS? DOES HE GET HURT, HAVE LEGAL TROUBLE, GET SUSPENDED? MAYBE DAN IS GETTING MOVED TO ANOTHER TEAM? I'M OPEN TO IDEAS :)
Mandy and I met the summer of 1994. We were about to enter our junior year in high school. She had moved to town from Los Angeles due to her father's job transfer.
Everyone wanted to meet and become best friends with the interesting and beautiful girl from California who by the end of the year was voted, "Most likely to become famous." Mandy was as lovely and gracious as she was heart stopping gorgeous and was an extraordinary actress. On Graduation day, everyone in town who cared about theatre at all thought she should catch the next plane back to L.A. and fulfill the high school prophesy. However, that was not what Mandy wanted. Laying by the lake on a blanket after hours of holding each other and talking, Mandy told me exactly what she wanted.
"My dad really wants me to audition for this part on "The Young and the Restless. He knows a guy that knows a guy, blah, blah, that knows the casting director."
"That sounds cool. Are you going to do it? You don't sound excited." I said, wanting to be supportive but not wanting to lose her.
"No, I don't want to go back to L.A. I like it there. I just want to stay here and do local stuff, maybe the occasional commerical so I can -- you know, stay here with you." She said carefully.
"That sounds even better." I said.
"Well,what are you doing to do with your free time besides 'the occasional commercial'?" I teased.
"I won't have much free time." She said.
"Why not?" I said, really not knowing what she was about to say.
"Being a wife and mother takes up alot of time." She said, smiling.
"Oh really? Who, may I ask, are you planning to marry and make babies with, ma'am?" I ribbed.
"Hopefully you, Dan. I love you. I don't want anyone else forever and forever." She said, now serious.
"I love you too. So much. Forever and Forever, I promise."
And so, after four years at UT and many a frat party later, we got married July 21,2000.We were really good together. But, the closer I got to achieving my dreams of working as an agent for the NBA and bringing in the big dough so we could have an awesome life, the more she resented it. I didn't understand it at all! Didn't she understand that I wanted these things, this life for her?! But, as frustrated and at each other's throats as we were, I never thought we would get a divorce.
Towards the end, we fought everyday, and most fights had the same theme: I loved the job more than I loved her. Which was totally incorrect in my eyes but I couldn't convince her of that. I begged her not to file, she did anyway. I pleaded with her and told her how much she was killing me, which she was. I offered to cut back or quit. She said that wouldn't work because "my heart would still not be in the right place." Finally, I give in and signed on the dotted line of our failed union two years ago. And now, the love of my life was going to move to some crap town with my crap cousin and I couldn't do a damn thing about it but try to kill the pain. That's where Chelsea comes in. But, not before Caleb calls.
"Hey, brother." He said.
"Yo."
"So, today was weird, huh?" Caleb said.
"Yeah, to say the least." I say wearily.
" Listen, Dan. I know you are hurting. And I know your way of dealing with it is not always, well, talking to God."
"Look, Caleb, if your calling to lecture me one more time about how much I'm going to church or to say, 'Just turn your eyes upon,Jesus' and this will all blow over, save your breath, man! Because, you know what, you got NO idea how much I talk to Jesus, okay?! I admit I don't always make the best choices but don't measure me against you.I'm sorry "the faith" doesn't come as easily to me but it doesn't but that doesn't I don't believe!"
"No, No Dan. You are right. You are right. I can't measure you against me. You are right. No one should judge anyone. And I shouldn't have before and I am sorry if I made you feel that way. I was calling just to tell you that I love you and I know that this whole thing isn't easy. I wanted to tell you something I haven't told you before."
"Okay, what?" I said, sensing this was going to be big.
"Jenn and I have had trouble before. Actually, we almost filed for divorce once." Caleb said.
"What?! Why? and When?" I said, trying to recover from the most shocking news I've ever heard.
Caleb sighed. "Dan, even though I'm a pastor, being married is a great challenge. Temptation presents itself in all ways. For me, it was also a job in a sense. I convinced myself that I was being called to serve as a missionary overseas and was ready to move my family or leave them to pursue it."
"Well, that doesn't' sound like temptation, I mean, that's what some pastors are called to do, right? Jenn wasn't supportive?"
"If I had been wanting to go for the right reasons, she would have been, of course. But, the truth was, I was feeling suffocated. I felt like I was living this little life in a suburban town. It wasn't driven from God at all but I was convinced. I ignored Jenn's wishes and pressed forward with my plan. So, I went to Honduras for 2 months, remember? Well, that was the test trip. Jenn said when I got back, we would really have to talk and make some decisions. I knew what that meant. But by that time, I resented her so much from trying to stop me, I didn't care." Caleb said, choking up thinking about that time.
"So, what happened?" I asked quietly.
"Well, the first month or so, I was sure that I would spend the rest of my years being this rugged, adventurer missionary and my family would come around to idea and everything would be great and perfect and Jenn would be sorry for being so wrong. But by week 4, I knew the truth. I was just trying to run away from the little annoyances of life like electric bills and car pool and I had somehow forgotten how blessed I was. The last week, I cried every night and begged God to help me be better and prayed my wife would forgive me."
"I guessed she did, right?. . since you guys seem better than ever." I said also choking up.
"Dan, I got off that plane, took my wife in my arms and I said, 'I am sorry. Please forgive me. Then she said, 'Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry too. Let's just leave it where it should be, in the past' and we've hardly ever discussed it since then."
"So, what are you telling me,Caleb. I need a trip to Honduras?"
"No, Dan. I'm telling you not to give up on the great blessings God has given you. Talk to God. Talk to Mandy. I know she loves you as much as Jenn loves me. I know you still love her. I think things just got all mixed up with you guys but it's not too late. But Dan? Do it quickly. Travis confided in me that he is going to ask her to marry him before they leave.
"Wow." The only thing I could think to say to that news.
"Dan, one more thing."
"There's more?!!" I said, now pouring a glass of scotch.
"Brother, I apologize I have given you such a hard time. You're great at your job, you do it well, and it brings you great joy and you shouldn't give that up. You like nice things, like cars and fancy dinners and that is okay too. My concern for you has always been balance. It's okay to like nice things as long as they fall in the right place on your priority list. Ok, that's my last lecture until -- well, at least next Sunday!" Caleb joked to lighten the mood.
"Thanks, Caleb. I appreciate all you've said. I will keep you posted on any new developments."
I hung up and chugged my glass. I almost texted Mandy to tell her to meet me so we could talk. But, I didn't really know what to say yet, so the true guy fashion, I said nothing at all. I decided I needed a few days to think about everything and how I really felt. I also thought about canceling with Chelsea but I didn't think that would change things and it was better than sitting at home. Plus, who knows? Maybe I will fall in love tonight and forget all about Mandy. That would certainly be easier.
1. WHAT DALLAS, TEXAS (4 OR 5 STAR) RESTURANT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE DAN TAKE CHELSEA TONIGHT?
2. A MAJOR EVENT HAPPENS SOON WITH DAN IN REGARDS TO HIS JOB. THOUGHTS? IS JOEY HURT WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT? DOES CHELSEA'S DAD FIND OUT THEY ARE DATING AND IS DISPLEASED MAYBE? HOW ABOUT VETERAN PLAYER, DARIUS? DOES HE GET HURT, HAVE LEGAL TROUBLE, GET SUSPENDED? MAYBE DAN IS GETTING MOVED TO ANOTHER TEAM? I'M OPEN TO IDEAS :)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Chapter 3:BBQ
Chapter 3: BBQ
“So, you finally made it.” She said as she made her way over next to me at the burger table.
“Yeah, well, Joey got hurt last night so I was up late dealing with that and then I got stuck in traffic this morning—“
“Uh-huh.” She interrupted.
“So, how are things with good ol boy, Travis?” I said while applying mayo neatly to a bun.
“Things are fine. Why do you ask? “ Mandy said.
" I still care about you. I am still concerned about what is going on with you. But, you know, you want to settle with a guy like that, that’s your choice—“
“Here we go—“ Mandy said.
“What?! Come on, Mandy, he is just so different than I am. I mean, the guy’s idea of living on the edge is deciding to skip monday night television. He’s nice and all but –“
“That’s right, Dan. He’s nice. He shows up when he says he is going to show up. I can count on him to answer his phone when I call. He has picture of me in his office.”
“I had a picture of you in my office too.” I said.
“No, you had a picture of you and
Just then my mother walked up on us.
“Hey Mom.” I said cheerfully.
“Oh, cut the crap, I know you two are over here arguing. I thought I would come interrupt before anyone else notices. Now, come back over to the table and try to enjoy yourselves.” My mother said with a smile.
“No one will ever love you as much as I love you, Mandy. And if I recall, it was my stuff in boxes on the front porch of our lovely first home together. I didn’t ask for that. You decided that for me.” I said.
Now Travis was calling and waving Mandy over to the table.
“ I love you, Dan. I loved you enough to let you go.” Mandy said and started back to the party.
I said, "What's that supposed to mean?" but she just kept walking.
“There’s my beautiful lady.” Travis said.
Yeah, that's right, cousin. Keep saying stuff like that and see how far you get, I think to myself.
“So, everybody, I wanted to take a moment to recognize my lovely aunt’s birthday. She has always been there for me. She was right there on the front row of Texas Stadium when we won the 1996 state championship against the Camp Sweeney Cougars, cheering me and her boys on. Happy birthday,
“Thank you, Travis. That is very sweet of you.” My mom said.
There it is, Travis! I knew you couldn't resist! I thought.
"I also would like to make a very special announcement. I have been offered a job with a 5A school out in west texas as their head football coach and will be moving there at the end of this month."
"Congratulations! That's great! Wow, cool! " Everyone cheered.
"Wait, wait. That is not the best part. The best part is that I have asked Mandy to move there with me and she has agreed!
While Mandy smiled and accepted everyone's congratulations and I caught my mother's eye.
"I think that's my cue." I said to her.
"Honey, nothing is the end of the world. This is all gonna work out in the end." She said softly.
"I know. I will see you later. I gotta check on one of the player's."
I drove away from my brother's trying to take in what I just heard. I didn't know where to go, what to do next or what. About 10 minutes later, I got a text.
I didn't know he was going to say anything today. I wanted to tell you myself. I'm sorry. - Mandy.
I slammed my blackberry into the steering wheel a few times. When I realized it was still intact, I figured out the very next thing I wanted to do.
"Chelsea, it's Dan. I will pick you up at your place at seven."
1. Brother Caleb is going to give Dan some brotherly advice in the next chapter regarding his relationships and his life. What do you think his advice should be for Dan at this point? Should he forget all about Mandy and support her decision to move away with Travis? What about his job? Do you think Dan should do something else with his life to save his relationship with Mandy or do you think that is unfair to Dan? I'm curious to know what a male reader would say as opposed to my female readers. I have a feeling their answers would be different ;)
Any other suggestions about the story would be great here. This is a big turning point!! Thanks for following along guys. Sorry this one was a little late!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Big D Chapter 2: Richardson
Somewhere between properly rinsing my hair and some close time with my new friend, the events of the previous evening started to come back to me. I had met her at the W. She had come in to our usual red rope area of the Ghost Bar with Heather, the head of the dance squad. She had said she was in school in Chicago but visiting family in Dallas for the summer. From there, we danced a little and drank a lot. She requested for me to take her back to her rented summer apartment.
"No way, Dan. I don't trust you alone with her." Heather said.
"Wow, thanks friend! I feel so loved."
"No, it's just--Dan, just take her back to her place and GO home. Neither one of you need the trouble."
"What trouble? So we have a good time together, what's the big deal, Heather?"
"Just TRUST me, Dan. I just don't want this the blow up in your face."
"Alright, alright, I will take her home. Relax."
Of course, I lied. Heather tended to be a little protective of me. We had known each other from high school and she was still friends with my ex, Mandy. She is a good friend and since she is also single and works for the organization, we run around together. But, she is not shy about telling me to stop being such a "man-slut" and realize I should be back with Mandy.
"So, did you have a good time last night, Cheslea?" I said.
"Oh yes, a very nice time, Thank you. And you?" she said.
"It was okay," I said teasing her. She smacked me arm playfully.
"So, what are your big plans for today? I asked.
" Umm, well, I need to do the whole family thing for lunch but no plans after that." She said.
"Cool. Well, I have this thing at my brother's house but maybe I will give you a shout after that"
"Sounds good. Just text me after your thing." Chelsea said.
I dropped Chelsea off at her place that was only five or so minutes away from my place and I check the time on my phone. 2:30p.m. If I fly, I can be at my brother's by 2:45p.m. I have three texts from last night.
"I hope you took my advice."-Heather.
"We expect Joey to be out for the Colorado road trip but return by the next home game."Dr. Cook.
"High five on the bosses' daughter, bro. A little golf later?" -Darius.
"Heather, WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME SHE WAS JOE'S DAUGHTER!" I screamed into my phone about a minute after reading that last text.
"Danny, I TOLD you to take her home! We can't you ever freakin' listen?! She begged me not to tell you but I ASSUMED that at some point you would a break from being a TOOL and ask her more than which side of the bed she's prefers!"
"Jeez, Heather. You know I can't be trusted to take a break from being a tool." I say easing up on her.
"Guess where I'm headed. To Caleb's to hang with Mandy and Travis." I say.
"Yeah, she told me." Heather said.
"Don't tell her about Chelsea, okay?"
"I won't. Are you going to see Chelsea again? You know what, don't answer that. I don't want to know."
"Yeah, that's probably best. Ok, well, I will talk to ya later."
I pulled up to my brother's house in Richardson at 2:47 p.m.
"Dan's finally here! Let's eat!" Caleb said with annoyed gusto.
"Hi,mom. I'm sorry I'm late. Happy Birthday. I love you" I say.
"It's okay, baby. I know you had a game last night and it's hard for you to get going the next day." Mom said as my brother rolls his eyes.
"Hey, bro. How's it going?" I say.
"It's good, man. I'm glad you made it." My brother is more relaxed now with a mouthful of potato salad.
And there she is. The most beautiful woman I've ever known, standing with her arm around my ediot cousin's waist. I'm wondering how long it will take him to start recalling the glory days of high school and particularly the night we won the state championship. I estimate twelve minutes.
She makes eye contact with me and my heart breaks for the 1000th time.
********
Well folks, you are about to decide why Dan and Mandy broke up since we now know that Dan still have feelings for her.
Is it. . . .
A) The more success Dan experienced working for the NBA in his dream job, the more he seemed to pull away from their young marriage and their faith. Finally, Mandy decided to give him the life he seemed to want and divorced him.
B) One night after a christmas party at his brother's, Dan acccidently ran a red light and Mandy miscarried their baby as a result. Dan's guilt ruined their marriage.
C) Mandy is an actress and finally got a small role in a film that took her away from Texas for 6 months. In that time, she got a little too close to her one of her co-stars. Though it was only an emotional affair, by the time is was over, the damage was already done. Dan still loves her but can't forgive her.
"No way, Dan. I don't trust you alone with her." Heather said.
"Wow, thanks friend! I feel so loved."
"No, it's just--Dan, just take her back to her place and GO home. Neither one of you need the trouble."
"What trouble? So we have a good time together, what's the big deal, Heather?"
"Just TRUST me, Dan. I just don't want this the blow up in your face."
"Alright, alright, I will take her home. Relax."
Of course, I lied. Heather tended to be a little protective of me. We had known each other from high school and she was still friends with my ex, Mandy. She is a good friend and since she is also single and works for the organization, we run around together. But, she is not shy about telling me to stop being such a "man-slut" and realize I should be back with Mandy.
"So, did you have a good time last night, Cheslea?" I said.
"Oh yes, a very nice time, Thank you. And you?" she said.
"It was okay," I said teasing her. She smacked me arm playfully.
"So, what are your big plans for today? I asked.
" Umm, well, I need to do the whole family thing for lunch but no plans after that." She said.
"Cool. Well, I have this thing at my brother's house but maybe I will give you a shout after that"
"Sounds good. Just text me after your thing." Chelsea said.
I dropped Chelsea off at her place that was only five or so minutes away from my place and I check the time on my phone. 2:30p.m. If I fly, I can be at my brother's by 2:45p.m. I have three texts from last night.
"I hope you took my advice."-Heather.
"We expect Joey to be out for the Colorado road trip but return by the next home game."Dr. Cook.
"High five on the bosses' daughter, bro. A little golf later?" -Darius.
"Heather, WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME SHE WAS JOE'S DAUGHTER!" I screamed into my phone about a minute after reading that last text.
"Danny, I TOLD you to take her home! We can't you ever freakin' listen?! She begged me not to tell you but I ASSUMED that at some point you would a break from being a TOOL and ask her more than which side of the bed she's prefers!"
"Jeez, Heather. You know I can't be trusted to take a break from being a tool." I say easing up on her.
"Guess where I'm headed. To Caleb's to hang with Mandy and Travis." I say.
"Yeah, she told me." Heather said.
"Don't tell her about Chelsea, okay?"
"I won't. Are you going to see Chelsea again? You know what, don't answer that. I don't want to know."
"Yeah, that's probably best. Ok, well, I will talk to ya later."
I pulled up to my brother's house in Richardson at 2:47 p.m.
"Dan's finally here! Let's eat!" Caleb said with annoyed gusto.
"Hi,mom. I'm sorry I'm late. Happy Birthday. I love you" I say.
"It's okay, baby. I know you had a game last night and it's hard for you to get going the next day." Mom said as my brother rolls his eyes.
"Hey, bro. How's it going?" I say.
"It's good, man. I'm glad you made it." My brother is more relaxed now with a mouthful of potato salad.
And there she is. The most beautiful woman I've ever known, standing with her arm around my ediot cousin's waist. I'm wondering how long it will take him to start recalling the glory days of high school and particularly the night we won the state championship. I estimate twelve minutes.
She makes eye contact with me and my heart breaks for the 1000th time.
********
Well folks, you are about to decide why Dan and Mandy broke up since we now know that Dan still have feelings for her.
Is it. . . .
A) The more success Dan experienced working for the NBA in his dream job, the more he seemed to pull away from their young marriage and their faith. Finally, Mandy decided to give him the life he seemed to want and divorced him.
B) One night after a christmas party at his brother's, Dan acccidently ran a red light and Mandy miscarried their baby as a result. Dan's guilt ruined their marriage.
C) Mandy is an actress and finally got a small role in a film that took her away from Texas for 6 months. In that time, she got a little too close to her one of her co-stars. Though it was only an emotional affair, by the time is was over, the damage was already done. Dan still loves her but can't forgive her.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
"Big D" Chapter 1
After the game, we went to the "W" for awhile, I remember that. I don't remember her. Did I go to a player's house after the game? Darius', maybe? Well, I can't remember where I find her but I did well for myself, she's beautiful. The tan burnette stirred a little and I froze hoping she wouldn't wake up. When she seemed to settle, I eased myself still partially lying down out on the cool hardwoods that came with my uptown purchase 3 years ago.
In the shower I try to clear up the fog in my head with Khiel's and water as hot as I can stand. I smell of scotch which is pretty standard for the morning after a home game. I start remembering that we won last night 108-105, a close but uneventful win. Darius got another double-double and Joey, the rookie with promise tweaked his knee and went out in the second. I should check on him as soon as I'm done here.
Just as I'm putting in conditoner, I hear my blackberry ringing in the other room with the woman I'm not ready to deal with yet. I jump out of the shower, grab a towel to put around my sopping wet body and try to quietly but quickly get to my phone before it wakes her. I'm almost close enough to pick it up when the lovely burnette reaches her arm out with eyes still closed and answers my phone with a sleepy and sexy hello. She opens her eyes after a few seconds, then covers the phone with her model hand.
"I'm sorry, I thought it was mine. It's um, your brother."
Great. The last person I want knowing I have an unindentified burnette in my bed on a sunday morning.
"Hello." I say flatly.
"She sounds pretty." my brother says.
"Thank you, she is." I say.
"Girlfriend?"
"Nope." I say.
"Do you even know her name, Danny?" my brother, Caleb says half joking.
"Yes." I say annoyed and lying.
"I'm just calling to remind you about today. It's mom's birthday lunch, remember? Are you going to make it to service or just meet us at the house?"
"Umm, yeah, I don't think I'm making it to service, Caleb."
"Alright, well, be at the house by 2pm, Dan. I'm serious! Mom will start worrying you aren't coming and you know mom won't let us eat until you get there." Caleb said annoyed at my probable tardiness.
"Okay, Caleb, I get it! I will be there at 2pm."
"Oh, and Dan? Don't forget that Mandy will be there with Travis."
I had forgotten.
"So, you know, try to be cool." Caleb said.
"I am cool, therefore I be."
"Right." Caleb said unconvinced.
I hang up dreading two o'clock when I will have to make nice-nice with my ex-wife and her boyfriend at my preacher brother's house that is less than fond of my lifestyle choices. And, I still don't know the girl's name that has just entered my bathroom and shut the door behind her.
About the time I realize I still have conditioner in my hair, the door opens again.
"You don't seem to be finished with your shower, would you like to join me?"
"Absolutely" I say with a winning smile.
"Absolutely, Cheslea" the burnette says with a knowing look.
"Absolutely, Chelsea." I say.
Turning point:
1. Who is Travis? a. The new associate pastor at Caleb's church.
b. The director of the latest play at the Dallas Theatre in which Dan's ex wife,Mandy is the leading lady.
c. Caleb and Dan's second cousin and the local high school football coach.
2. Who is Cheslea?
a. Dan's new boss.
b. Dan's boss's daughter.
c. Dallas' newest investigative reporter on the local news.
In the shower I try to clear up the fog in my head with Khiel's and water as hot as I can stand. I smell of scotch which is pretty standard for the morning after a home game. I start remembering that we won last night 108-105, a close but uneventful win. Darius got another double-double and Joey, the rookie with promise tweaked his knee and went out in the second. I should check on him as soon as I'm done here.
Just as I'm putting in conditoner, I hear my blackberry ringing in the other room with the woman I'm not ready to deal with yet. I jump out of the shower, grab a towel to put around my sopping wet body and try to quietly but quickly get to my phone before it wakes her. I'm almost close enough to pick it up when the lovely burnette reaches her arm out with eyes still closed and answers my phone with a sleepy and sexy hello. She opens her eyes after a few seconds, then covers the phone with her model hand.
"I'm sorry, I thought it was mine. It's um, your brother."
Great. The last person I want knowing I have an unindentified burnette in my bed on a sunday morning.
"Hello." I say flatly.
"She sounds pretty." my brother says.
"Thank you, she is." I say.
"Girlfriend?"
"Nope." I say.
"Do you even know her name, Danny?" my brother, Caleb says half joking.
"Yes." I say annoyed and lying.
"I'm just calling to remind you about today. It's mom's birthday lunch, remember? Are you going to make it to service or just meet us at the house?"
"Umm, yeah, I don't think I'm making it to service, Caleb."
"Alright, well, be at the house by 2pm, Dan. I'm serious! Mom will start worrying you aren't coming and you know mom won't let us eat until you get there." Caleb said annoyed at my probable tardiness.
"Okay, Caleb, I get it! I will be there at 2pm."
"Oh, and Dan? Don't forget that Mandy will be there with Travis."
I had forgotten.
"So, you know, try to be cool." Caleb said.
"I am cool, therefore I be."
"Right." Caleb said unconvinced.
I hang up dreading two o'clock when I will have to make nice-nice with my ex-wife and her boyfriend at my preacher brother's house that is less than fond of my lifestyle choices. And, I still don't know the girl's name that has just entered my bathroom and shut the door behind her.
About the time I realize I still have conditioner in my hair, the door opens again.
"You don't seem to be finished with your shower, would you like to join me?"
"Absolutely" I say with a winning smile.
"Absolutely, Cheslea" the burnette says with a knowing look.
"Absolutely, Chelsea." I say.
Turning point:
1. Who is Travis? a. The new associate pastor at Caleb's church.
b. The director of the latest play at the Dallas Theatre in which Dan's ex wife,Mandy is the leading lady.
c. Caleb and Dan's second cousin and the local high school football coach.
2. Who is Cheslea?
a. Dan's new boss.
b. Dan's boss's daughter.
c. Dallas' newest investigative reporter on the local news.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Write with me:)
Welcome to my blogspot! I want to tell you about "Big D". Big D is an interactive online drama that I plan to write for the entire summer with the help of my followers. Big D is the story of a man named Dan who is in his early thirties living in Dallas,Texas who has it all figured out. He's big money and handsome and is frequently found pictured in the local society publications. Dan has it all. . or does he?
I guess that depends on you! I will write a post and then pose a question to the audience to get a feel of what you think should happen to Big D next. I will do posts weekly or so and will plan to wrap up "Big D" September 1st. It may not be good but it will be fun:)
I guess that depends on you! I will write a post and then pose a question to the audience to get a feel of what you think should happen to Big D next. I will do posts weekly or so and will plan to wrap up "Big D" September 1st. It may not be good but it will be fun:)
" Big D" Introduction
Growing up in Dallas means you grow up learning to do everything big. Dallas is even called, “Big D” and sometimes so am I. They call me Big D because in my world ,living big is not just a nice ideal or lame joke directed at Texans. It is what drives me. It is my church. – Dan
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